I picked up Under Pressure by Dr. Lisa Damour because I was looking for insight on anxiety in young women that was fact-based instead of fear-based. I had some exposure to her work and knew it to be reputable, but I hadn’t gone deep. I’m glad I did.

What I know firsthand is that raising an adolescent girl today is its own kind of hard. Dr. Damour doesn’t sugarcoat that. But she also doesn’t catastrophize it. She gives you a roadmap and guides you through it without making you feel like you’ve already gotten everything wrong.

What I found most valuable is her treatment of stress and anxiety as separate things. She’s clear and practical about the distinction, and that clarity alone was worth the read. So much of what we instinctively do as parents, the reassuring, the fixing, the trying to make the hard thing go away, can actually work against our kids. Dr. Damour walks you through why, and more importantly, what to do instead.

Her approach to empathy is simple yet powerful. The idea that a simple “that stinks” can carry more weight than a lengthy pep talk? It reframes so much about how we show up for young people. Sometimes the most supportive thing isn’t a solution. It’s just being present with someone in their discomfort.

What I kept coming back to was her tone. She’s honest about how much has changed for adolescent girls, including the role of social media, academic pressure, and the relentless comparison culture they live in, without veering into alarm. She updates her thinking as the research evolves, and she says so. That kind of intellectual honesty is not something you find everywhere, and it made me trust her more, not less.

This isn’t a book that will make you feel like an expert. It’s better than that. It made me feel like a more thoughtful, more curious parent. And on most days, that’s exactly what my kid needs from me.

If you have a daughter, work with adolescent girls, or care about the young women coming up in this world, add this one to your list.